Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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