so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's always time for handjobs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
