wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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