Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
