shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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