I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have demons in me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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