honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
