I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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