i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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