My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
