please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
