it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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