The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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