this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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