Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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