I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
