isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
