So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
