I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to cum in my sink.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
