put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
