My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
