Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
