I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize