I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
