i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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