Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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