i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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