id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
