i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
