His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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