hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i will never coherently bang her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
