I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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