your thong is hanging out like whoa
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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