I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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