Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
