Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
