maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
