The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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