hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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