Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
