Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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