she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
