he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
