They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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