She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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