my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize