Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
