i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
