My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
