You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
