we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
