??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize