You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
NoShamevember. You game?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
