My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
