I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
