What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
