ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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