I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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