Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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