Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
please come you make the beer taste better
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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