OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
