i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
