The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
two words...techno handjob
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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