wanna go halves on a baby?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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