I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
