I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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