Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
