Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
