I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
